He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
