she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
