I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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