So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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