yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
