Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
