the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
