I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm gonna have a badass scar
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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