Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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