so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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