just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
