he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
