Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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