if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
