i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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