You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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