20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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