It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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