I wish I could teleport
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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