Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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