this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
