I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
