I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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