They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
whose parrot is this?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
