we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
