Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
