Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
