Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
