walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This house was built for laser tag.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
