My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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