I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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