You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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