It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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