I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
