Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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