so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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