I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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