she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
