i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
