i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just pee around me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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