I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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