Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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