I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
