Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
