dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
