Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
