I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
