Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
