What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
