i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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