after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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